


Some Kind of Disaster

by Lira169



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Harley likes potatoes, Light Angst, M/M, Science, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:26:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25344658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lira169/pseuds/Lira169
Summary: Harley likes potato guns, Tony panics at the thought of being a dad, Peter just wants a science project doneAlternatively: how a science project brought two geniuses together
Relationships: Harley Keener/Peter Parker
Comments: 18
Kudos: 151





	Some Kind of Disaster

**Author's Note:**

  * For [vince_neil](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vince_neil/gifts).



> Hi! It's my first text fic please be kind ;-; constructive criticism appreciated!
> 
> This fic is a birthday gift to the lovely @vince_neil, happy birthday!!!!!!!! I hope you have an amazing day because you deserve all the happiness in the world!
> 
> All the handwavy mechanics of potato guns and CPR are courtesy of @Introverted_Goldheart and @badtothebow
> 
> A+ quality keysmashes are courtesy of @GreenPencil, keysmash sensei <3
> 
> Beta'd by @ac_uwu

_Wednesday, 8 January_

**Harley Keener (Science)**

_19:21_

Hi!

It's Peter from Science XD

Oh yeah

Hi

So I was thinking maybe we can start by jotting down our ideas for the project?

Do you have any ideas you want to do?

Yeah

I have a few ideas

Great!

Me too

I'll create a doc?

What's your e-mail? I'll send it to you

[ Potatogunner@gmail.com ](mailto:Potatogunner@gmail.com)

I don't take constructive criticism

Neither do I

Noted, [ peterparkour@gmail.com ](mailto:peterparkour@gmail.com)

:0

I sent it

See you on the docs!

_22:34_

I think we can rest for today

We did good! We're down to three ideas and have a rough outline for each one

I still think we should have gone with the potato gun

We're supposed to build a robot that can perform effective CPR

We don't need a potato gun

Uh

We do

Just think

A robot that provides CPR from a distance

Who needs chest pumps when you can just shoot potatoes at regular intervals?

We can adjust it so that it matches the pressure and force needed for it to be equally as effective 

How-

The potatoes would need to be at an extreme velocity and force to even perform a 6cm deep compression

And we need to optimize the size of the potatoes to even achieve even pressure

Not to mention that chest compressions are only one half of CPR

A potato gun is completely unnecessary 

And complicates everything

Well gee

You say you want an A 

Put in the effort

I-

No

We are not doing potato gun CPR

Fine

If we get a B

Just know I told you so

Le sigh

  
  


_Thursday, 9 January_

**Harley Keener (Science)**

_17:03_

Hey!

I touched up a little on our rough outlines to make them more practical 

Let me know when you're free to discuss them!

Hey

Maybe at 9pm?

Sure!

:)

_21:02_

I'm on the doc

Okay!

_23:31_

We did good today!

Could have been better with a potato gun

But yeah

You are surprisingly easy to work with

:D

Have a good rest!

We can continue the discussion tomorrow

You too

Don't sleep too late

Ahaha

Yeah

I'll try

_Tuesday, 14 January_

**Harley Keener (Science)**

_17:18_

Hey my bad!

Is it okay if we skip work today?

Something urgent cropped up

No problem

Is everything okay?

Yup

Thanks!

Of course 

**Irondad**

_Missed voice call at 22:20_

Kid.

I know you’re still awake.

  
  


_Missed voice call at 22:22_

You can answer me

Or I can fly over and tell May exactly what you did today

:(

Tonyyyyyyyy

I thought you had a project?

I postponed it

The dude looked suspicious!

I couldn’t just ignore it

You could have called me, or Steve, or anyone 

Your suit was already due for repairs

We can handle it

You know this

I know

But I handled it

Twas nothing

And your leg?

It’s nothing!

I promise

It stopped bleeding

You were bleeding?

Not anymore

It’s just swollen now

:)

Nothing huh

Go tell May goodnight

:0

She’s super busy I’ll just text her

Sure

Tony

Why is May coming upstairs

TONY

What?

You have nothing to hide

Tony

If May kills me

I will HAUNT you

>:(

Ooo

Scary

Knowing you has already cut ten years from my lifespan

:(

Noooooo

You’re immortal

Sure, kid

Now go tell May exactly what did not happen

So she can patch up the nonexistent injury

:(

Bring your suit over tomorrow morning

KAREN says you probably won’t heal overnight

So you’re not making it to school anyway

Okay dad

This is Pepper

Why did Tony shove his phone at me?

:D

Hi Ms Potts!

I love you!

Shouldn’t you be in bed?

:(

I love you too, Peter

Now go to sleep

:D

  
  
  


_Wednesday, 15 January_

**Harley Keener (Science)**

_11:04_

Hey

I don't see you anywhere 

Are you coming to class?

Sorry!

I fell sick :(

I forgot to tell you

Oh 

It's okay 

I'll let you know what Mr. Summers says about our draft proposal

Thank you!

No prob

Have a good rest

We're almost done, we can take a few days break

_Tuesday, 21 January_

**Harley Keener (Science)**

_21:53_

And we're done with the design!

Finally

I can get us the materials

We can meet tomorrow afternoon to put it together?

Sure!

See you tomorrow :D

[Meme](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/AQ8TRoLxPGww4p0h3d2wAYIHWuqyhLLaThynFDVYl4oDRWHGMcX0WB8/)

Ew Tony Stark

:0

Tony Stark is not ew!

He's inspiring 

And charismatic

And brilliant

He's just a rich old man

>:(

He's really not

He does a lot of good

Sure he does.

_23:12_

Hey

You're not upset are you 

I'm sorry

I kinda know Stark? And I'm used to talking about him like that

And I realize it may have come across as harsh

Stark is an idiot

But in a good way

Oh

Did I make you upset?

Kinda

I uh

Kinda intern for him?

And I hear all these bad things about him from people who only see what they wanna see and it upsets me because he doesn't get enough credit

Oh wack

Yeah I get that, he's not a bad person at all

So we both know the old man

Not old! He's like

50

Old

>:(

:)

Are we cool?

I guess

Well

Wanna know how I met the old man?

Not old

But yeah

_Wednesday, 22 January_

**Irondad**

_01:12_

Tony

Tony

Tony

Tony

What 

Tony

Kid what

I can't believe 

You fell into a kid's garage

And got held at potato gunpoint

What

Who told you that

Harley :D

Who allowed you two to meet?

Mr. Summers!

Harley is my project buddy

Of course he is…

You totally didn't know we went to the same school

I did

I just

Forgot 

Sure

Whatever 

Tell him to come on Saturday 

If you're going to gossip about me

I might as well control what you gossip about

-_-

You're going to spill the tea

On Harley

And me

You don't have to come

Tristan can wait a week

:0

YOU BUILT IT

YOU BUILT THE DOG

Sure I did

I'm Tony Stark

This is way below my paygrade

:D

Doggo!

Thanks dad love you!

This is FRIDAY. Sir wants you to know that it's past your bedtime

Le sigh

**Potato Gunner**

_17:32_

So funny story

Mr. Stark wants you to come over

To the lab

This Saturday

And he thinks I will come

Why?

Idk

But

He built a robot dog!

:D

And I really wanna see it

Don't you?

I can build one on my own

Yeh but

Tristan can do stuff

Like

Help with panic attacks

And monitor vitals

_And_

Has a wet tongue!

Tristan slobbers!

And that's a good thing?

SLOBBERS MEAN KISSES

Uh huh

Tell him I'll be there

Unlike him

Who left me 

On the roadside

He came back though

You have to leave to come back

And he left

Like a loser

He had stuff to handle!

Don't you go over like

Every month

Whatever

I'll go

Only because he's going to spill dirt on me

I need to be there to retaliate

:0

That's what he said

_Saturday, 25 January_

**Guy In The Chair**

_18:22_

Kill me

Pls

What did you do?

Bold of you to assume it was me

So it wasn't you?

…

It was me

I was in the workshop

With Tony and Harley

And

WAT

Wait

Harley as in your project buddy for science?

Yeah that

Anyway

HARLEY KEENER KNOWS TONY STARK?

Uh

Yeah

But that's not important

How is it not important

What could possibly be more important

Did he find out about spiderman?

;-;

Dude

He's your project buddy

How in the heck did he find out?

IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

Me knowing was an accident

So was MJ knowing

So was May knowing

Hhhhhhhhhhh

I get it stop bullying me

How did you mess up this time?

Something fell off the workbench

I webbed it

Oof

I forgot he was there!

It's Tony's lab

Tony knows about spiderman!

So does Harley now

Kill me pls

I told him it was a project

He asked what project

I said

Web design

You're on your own dude

Can I have your suit if you die?

;-;

_Tuesday, 28 January_

**Potato Gunner**

_15:23_

Hey I can't meet today

:(

Is it more web design?

You're never gonna let me live this down

Nope

_Sunday, 2 February_

**Avengers Assemble**

_20:32_

_Americadad_

Peter we're watching a movie

Put the phone away

You're on the phone too

B)

_Americadad_

Would you like me to tell you in person?

I'm sorry Mr Steve sir

_Spidermom_

What are you smiling on about, anyway?

Nothing!

_Winterdad_

He's definitely texting someone

A girlfriend?

No!

_Hawkdad_

A boyfriend?

No!

Guys it's just my project buddy

_Hawkdad_

Is that what they call it nowadays?

JUST A PROJECT BUDDY

_Irondad_

Yeah pff

They'd be a horrible couple

_CEOmom_

We're supposed to be watching a movie

**CEOmom**

_20:46_

Project buddy or not

You're smiling more often

They make you happy and I'm glad the two of you met 

;-;

<3

_Sunday, 9 January_

**Potato Gunner**

_22:26_

Hey we can probably meet up tomorrow to do the final touches

Then we're done and can spend time on other stuff

Lmk if you're free

After your patrol

_Monday, 10 January_

**Potato Gunner**

_02:32_

Hey

Uh 

I don't think I can make it later today

I won't be in school either

What's wrong?

Are you injured?

Do you need help?

Why are you still awake?

Potato gun mark XV

Wasn't waiting up on you 

Don't flatter yourself

Lmao okay

Are you okay?

Uh

I'm physically fine

Physically?

That's the problem

I got away uninjured

?

I couldn't stop the robbery

I was too late and now people are dead and why did I think I could be a hero?

Heroes don't kill people

You didn't kill anyone

I let them die

If I was faster

You can't save everyone

Breathe

I can't I'm shaking

Can I call you?

Yeah

_05:56_

Thank you again

Get some rest

Shit

It's 6am

I'm so sorry

Wasn't planning on sleeping anyway

You're good, Peter

Go get some rest

Don't think on it too much

Take care of yourself

I'll try

Thanks

For everything

Thanks for trusting me with this

I'm here if you need me for anything else

:)

:)

_Tuesday, 18 February_

**Potato Gunner**

_15:27_

Hey so uh

I really need to vent right now

But Gwen and Harry are on a date

And I don't have anyone else in mind?

:0

You can vent to me!

I don't mind

Cool thanks

Do you mind if I call you?

I speak faster than I type

And I have so much to rant about

Oh sure

I'm on the subway though

So I can listen

But I'll be muted

Yeah okay

Thank you

Hi

:D

No

Who is she?

What

She said that????????

???????????????

Really?

Please tell me you told her to shove it

_What_

How is she still a teacher?

Your sister deserves better

Yeah no I totally get it

How is your sister?

Oof

Do you want me to say something

As spiderman

?

Yeah okay

You're okay though?

Your mom?

Alright

It's no problem!

I'm glad you feel better

Thanks for trusting me with this

I'm always here for you!

Why wouldn't I be?

You listen to me too

Okie

See you :)

Go get some rest

:)

:)

_Saturday, 29 February_

**Potato Gunner**

_11:12_

  
HARLEY

HARLEY

  
Yeah?

  
HARLEY

HI

DID YOU CHECK YOUR EMAIL

  
Not yet

Why?

  
CHECK IT

  
Alright brb

  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

  
We got an A!

  
WE GOT AN A

  
I mean we're geniuses 

Of course we'd get an A

  
BUT

WE

GOT

AN

A

  
You seem happy

Yeah

We worked hard on this

Congrats :)

  
AN A

I'M SO HAPPY

  
Well

Pleasure doing business with you

Mr. Peter Parkour

  
Likewise

Mr. Potato Gunner

  
:)

  
:)

  
**Irondad**

  
_12:03_

  
Congrats on the A, kid

  
:D

Thanks dad

  
**Guy In The Chair**

  
_14:21_

  
MJ wants to know why you're sulking

  
What

Where is she?

I don't see her

  
She says it's not important 

But she can see you sipping sadly at your milkshake

  
I'm not sad :(

Why doesn't she just text me herself?

  
"then I might as well walk over and ask but I don't want to do that"

  
:(

MJ I love youuuuuu

  
"love you too, loser"

So what's up?

  
The project is done

  
Yeah

You got an A

Congrats!

  
You did too!

  
So why are you sad?

  
Well

The project was the only reason I knew Harley

And now that it's over

We don't have anything to talk about

  
Ohoho

Peter

Do you like him?

  
What

NO

I just

I'm gonna miss him

  
**EmJay**

  
_14:47_

  
Dude

Seriously

You both know Tony Stark

You're both geniuses

Do you have nothing to talk about?

  
:0

Hi MJ love you!

And

Uh

I just dk if he wants to be friends?

We were just project buddies

  
If you don't know

Then ask him

  
Yeah that makes sense

  
Ask him out too while you're at it

  
WHAT

  
I will not handle your pining again

Liz was bad enough 

  
:(

  
Love you

  
:D

Love you too!

  
**Potato Gunner**

  
_16:14_

  
Harley

Harley

Harley

Harley

  
What

  
Harley

  
What what

  
Hi

So uh

This may be weird

But

I liked talking to you

And hanging out with you

And I don't want this to end?

Even though the project is over?

  
Are you asking if we're friends?

  
Yeah

I know we were just project buddies

  
Peter

I know about your web design hobby

I've ranted to you

About my sister's shitty teacher

And you know that I like pineapple on pizza

Would I trust you with such incriminating blackmail material 

If I didn't see you as a friend?

  
Oh

Haha

You're right

So

We're friends?

  
Uh huh

You can keep sending me the stupid Iron Man memes

Those didn't have anything to do with the project anyway

  
:D

Also

Also also

The Stark Expo is next Saturday

And there's so much stuff!

Do you wanna go?

  
Ugh

I don't wanna see the old man

  
Cmoooon

Aren't you curious?

There's more arc reactor stuff

And Tony says he actually prototyped a flying car

  
He did?

Might as well watch him fail

  
So you'll go?

  
Yeah I don't have anything to do anyway

  
:D

It's a date!

  
Is it

?

  
Uh

Unless you don't want it to be?

Then I'm joking

Haha I'm so funny

  
How do you feel about Wonder Woman?

  
Step on me

Why?

  
Let's watch the movie

Next Wednesday night

I don't want old man Stark at our first date

  
:0

Is that a date?

  
Do you not want it to be?

Because I can be funny too

  
No no

I'd like that

To date you I mean

Not that you can't be funny

  
You're cute

**The Trio**

  
_17:00_

  
ajksfgsaskj

akshdjksdzfhskshajshdsjasdasjdkafksjdgksadjfcbwueibceyrsgd

  
_Guy In The Chair_

What's up Pete

Why are you dying?

  
_EmJay_

Did you actually ask him out?

  
_Guy In The Chair_

Wait

Ask who out?

  
HELP

HOW DO I HANDLE THIS

  
_Guy In The Chair_

???????

  
_EmJay_

What did he reject you

  
No no

He accepted

Well kinda

But

Hecalledmecute

  
_Guy In The Chair_

Dawwwww

But who is he

  
_EmJay_

Harley Keener

And yeah you're like a puppy

  
But WHAT DO I SAY

  
_EmJay_

Thanks 

You're not so bad yourself

  
I can't say that to him!

  
_Guy In The Chair_

Wait wait

You asked Harley Keener out?

  
Yes I did

My heart is beating so fast

  
_Guy In The Chair_

Were you sulking

Because of Harley Keener?

You actually had a crush?

  
;-;

Wasn't sulking

  
_EmJay_

Yeah he was sad he wouldn't talk to Harley again

I told him to just ask him out

  
_Guy In The Chair_

Lmao good

Liz was bad enough

  
Was it that bad?

  
_EmJay_

Why don't you reply him

I think he thinks he scared you away

  
:0

  
**Potato Gunner**

  
_17:47_

  
Um

You're cute too!

  
Really?

I thought I scared you away

  
No I uh

Just needed time

To

Die inside

  
Why?

  
I didn't know how to react

  
Just accept it

You're cute

  
*blush*

Okay

See you on Wednesday?

  
It's a date 

;)

<3

<3

_Sunday, 29 March_

**Harley <3**

_01:26_

Hey

Harley

Harley

Harley

What

Harley

Harley

Babe what

ily

<3

I love you too

Now go to bed

:(

I can't sleep

I'm lonelyyyyyyy

Wrap your blanket around you

I am

Do it tighter

I am now a burrito

  
  


Is it warm?

Yeah

The blanket is me

A little too warm actually

I'm wrapped around you

Oh-

Oh what

Take it off then

NO

I want your cuddles

Yeah but it's too warm

You're never too warm for me

…

Idiot

Your favourite idiot

:D

  
  


You're right

Are you hugging something?

Mhmm

A pillow

I'm pretending it's you

Awww

I love you

  
  


I love you too

Now sleep

:D

<33333333333333

**Author's Note:**

> my headcanon is that Peter changed Tony's contact name to Irondad and the Avengers felt left out so now Peter has a ton of parents
> 
> If you're into Parkner: https://discord.gg/TpwwBgA
> 
> We have cookies!


End file.
